I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
