i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
