he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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