This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
