I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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