Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
