I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
