my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
