Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
