I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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