Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
