I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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