Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
