he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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