Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
