You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
