happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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