Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
