Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
