Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize