Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
