Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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