its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize