I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
