I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
