You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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