It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
