i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
