I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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