you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
