what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's never too late to be topless.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vagina just clenched in fear
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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