I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
