2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
