the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
