she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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