I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
