I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
