I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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