You made me cry and you don't even care
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
