I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize