he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
