tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
