I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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