ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
