I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
