I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize