what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
