last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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