trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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