Can i not drive my cunt home
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
