I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
