Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
