Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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