I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drake has all the answers
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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