Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
