who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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