my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
