fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
